Repeating the same thing over and over again (and LOUDER) doesn’t help someone understand you. Last week, I went out with my family to celebrate my cousin’s birthday. My aunt (Tia) said she would never hire a millennial again.
My response? “What do you mean?! Millennials are the hardest workers. We’re the burnout generation.”
She shook her head. “No, no… never again. Millennials don’t work hard.”
Baffled, I exclaimed again, “But Tia, Millennials are the burnout generation!”
“No. I find millennials entitled and they don’t work—with the exception of those millennials at the table.”
Even LOUDER now, I exclaimed, “What are you talking about?! Millennials have had to work so hard, through so much, that we’re burning ourselves out. Millennials are incredibly hard workers!”
This back and forth went for two or so more rounds.
How silly of me—to simply repeat myself again and again, thinking my repetition or the volume of my enthusiasm would suddenly change her mind.
Repeating ourselves is a highly ineffective communication strategy.
I should have engaged my aunt in conversation instead. I should have led with curiosity and asked questions like “What makes you say that? When did you form this opinion?”
This would have opened a dialogue of exploration. I should have sought to understand her rather than impose my thoughts on her. That way, we could have discovered a higher level of understanding—and maybe new opinions—for both of us.
How many times have we found ourselves repeating what we just said, louder and more emphatically, expecting the other person will suddenly understand? It’s the most ineffective communication strategy.
We do this in our daily lives with the people we love and work with. And we do it culturally on a massive scale—repeating ourselves over and over again, with more aggression each time.
It does NOT work. It doesn’t help us gain understanding. Instead, we need to ask questions and engage in dialogue so that shared understanding can be discovered.
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